In the ideal two-parent household, parents serve as allies for each other. They can present a united front and encourage and support each other in parenting endeavors. Now, I know that this is not the reality in all two-parent families (as many of us can testify) but there is a “built-in” ally for a parent. As single parents, we can often feel like lone wolves in our families, particularly if you have more than one child in which case you are always outnumbered! It can be important, therefore, to find an ally or two that you can turn to when you need that support and encouragement in your parenting efforts.
We’ve been conditioned to think that our parenting ally has to be a spouse or partner and if we have not got one, then we’re out of luck. I have found that even though true allies can be tough to find and few and far between, they are precious and important to a single parent. You may be surprised at where some of your strongest and most support allies come from!
An ally might not always agree with us, but the key thing is that it is obvious that they have our best interest AND the best interest of our kids at the center of things. There have been those who I thought were understanding and supportive, but they really didn’t dig or get my kids. Having someone who wants to tell you how to parent is not the same as having a great ally.
I have found older people—grandparents and experienced parents–to be the best allies for me—whether they were single parents or not. Just the fact that they have all that experience and have been weathered by the realities of family life tends to make them open, supportive and nonjudgmental.
Wherever your ally comes from, it is important for a single parent to have at least one person who is not only in his or her corner—but on the “side” of the family as well.
Also: “Why Don’t You Have Time for Me?”
What Can YOU Do For Other Single Parents?