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Friday Marriage Funnies – Fun Marriage Quotes

It’s a little crazy around here today, sick spouse and sick child along with two dogs that have veterinary appointments and a ton of work to get done. So in the hope of keeping things light and enjoyable – here are some fun marriage quotes to round off our week. Yes, today is Friday the 13th , but don’t let that spoil the fact that it is Friday and TGIF!

Fun Marriage Quotes:

  • A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. — Marvin Kitman
  • A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
  • A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
  • A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. – Guitry
  • Ah Mozart! He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t. – Borge
  • An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. — Agatha Christie
  • Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
  • By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates
  • Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.
  • Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
  • English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.
  • He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend’s wife’s brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.
  • Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother. — Ken Dodd
  • Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping.
  • I am in total control, but don’t tell my wife.
  • I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.
  • I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about ‘short’ and ‘cheap’? — Phyllis Diller
  • If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
  • If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry – Chekhov
  • If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way.

Related Articles:

Friday Funnies: Bad Marriage Humor

Friday Funnies: Can We Have a Little More Friday Funny Marriage Humor?

Things You Should Never Say To Your Wife

This entry was posted in Communication and tagged , , by Heather Long. Bookmark the permalink.

About Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. They have a beautiful daughter who just turned five years old. She is learning to read and preparing for kindergarten in the fall. An author of more than 300 articles and 500+ web copy pieces, Heather has also written three books as a ghostwriter. Empty Canoe Publishing accepted a novel of her own. A former horse breeder, Heather used to get most of her exercise outside. In late 2004, early 2005 Heather started studying fitness full time in order to get herself back into shape. Heather worked with a personal trainer for six months and works out regularly. She enjoys shaking up her routine and checking out new exercises. Her current favorites are the treadmill (she walks up to 90 minutes daily) and doing yoga for stretching. She also performs strength training two to three times a week. Her goals include performing in a marathon such as the Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness or Team in Training for Lymphoma research. She enjoys sharing her knowledge and experience through the fitness and marriage blogs.