Trauma creates fear and stress sensitivity in children. Even children adopted at birth, may be more anxious and fearful considering a babies possible prenatal exposure to substances, and other stresses their birthmother may have experienced. Regardless of the age a child is when placed for adoption our primary focus needs to be about building feelings of security and safety so our children learn to establish and build healthy attachments.
These are just a few steps we can take to help our children develop a sense of security and feel safe.
- Establish a strong support system for occasional respite care, discussing of issues, and help with household chores and cooking. Little things can go a long way during stressful times. Parents who take care of themselves can better take care of their children.
- Educate yourself about how stress and trauma affect families. Be responsible for creating an environment of healing for your child.
- Understand how trauma in your own life affects your emotions and feelings today. One of the greatest skills a parent can have is self-understanding. Communication occurs more in our non-verbal and body language then with the words we actually speak. Recognizing your own past trauma will help you become more sensitive to your reactions and where they are coming from. It is very common for parents to re-experiencing their own past trauma when placed in a stressful situation for prolonged periods of time.
- Reduce external sensory stimulation. Turn off televisions, avoid overwhelming situations, limit the number of children playing together at one time, and keep large family gatherings to a minimum. When your family must deal with these situation, keep the child close, and let your child know he or she can come to you when needed for any reason.
- Notice when fear is being demonstrated in your child. Understanding and being aware of the small signs a child may show such as clinging, whining, not discriminating amongst strangers, etc. are signs of insecurity. Parents can help an insecure child by being closer, holding, carrying, talking and singing to your child will help them feel safe.
- Try Time-Ins Instead of having an upset and out of control child sit in the corner or on a mat for a time out, bring your child close to you and help him or her feel secure even when they are in trouble. Time-ins allow children a chance to calm the stress and think more clearly.
- Never hit traumatized children. A child will only identify you as a threat. The Bible verse, “spare the rod, spoil the child,” speaks to the caring of sheep. A rod is used to guide the sheep and the staff to pull him back into line when he strays.
- The more affection the better. Plan to spend quality time with your child. It’s best to break the time up during the day into small periods rather then one longer period. A few minutes of direct interaction in the morning, a few more before dinner, and some quality time before bed sends a constant message through the day. It never needs to be anything fancy, just your undivided attention, some eye or physical contact, and a moment to remind yourself and your child that we love them and value them no matter what the day has been like.
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For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.