In a few weeks, my son will be starting Kindergarten. Oh, is he ever excited. We had to go buy uniforms last weekend. It was a surreal experience. Though he’s gotten so big the past year, putting on his little blue dress pants and white polo shirt made him look so small in the dressing room. He tucked in his shirt and tried on the belt that was too big for his thin waist (lucky kid) and then looked up at me and said, “Do you like it, Mommy?” I wanted to cry.
Here’s what I said: “You look great!”
Here’s what I thought: “Stop right there, little one. Don’t grow anymore. Don’t go to school. You’re not ready. Okay, maybe you’re ready. But I’m not ready. I thought I’d have more time. I thought it would go slower. I thought the moments would last longer and that the years would pass less quickly. But it’s all gone so fast. One minute I held you in my arms for the first time. The next minute you were crawling, then walking, then scooting out of my arms to play with your toys. Now I’m lucky if I get to snuggle you for more than five minutes per day. And now you want to start school? No way. So stop! Stop this growing up, right now young man. Do you hear me? What? What’s that you say? You can’t? You won’t? It’s not up to me?”
Needless to say, we bought the uniforms, we bought the crayons, and prepared for his first day of school.
Even when our kids are ready for a new adventure, it can be hard for us as parents. In one sense, I’m very excited for his new journey. He’s grown into such a lovely young man and I’m so proud of him. I want to see him do new things, meet new people, and explore his soul’s wants. I want that for him. But it’s hard as a mother knowing that this, the start of elementary school, is the beginning of letting go.