Sometimes, as stay at home moms, we feel like we are going to lose it. Let’s be honest here, sometimes it really sucks. Sometimes, it feels like we are just going through the motions and other times it feels like we don’t exist. When exactly did I go from being “Diana” to being just Savanna or Shane or Kaitlyn’s Mom?
What happened to me? Where did I go? Who the heck am I anyway?
I have asked myself this question over the years, always seemingly taking on an identity that revolved around somebody else. I know I am an intelligent woman. I know I am well-educated and I know I could succeed at pretty much anything I set my mind to, outside of scaling a tall building in a single bound – but only because I’m afraid of heights.
Then I started doing some soul searching. In my short life, I’ve actually completed a lot of things I wanted to do. I’ve held some pretty good jobs, too. Outside of my regular education, I graduated valedictorian of my college class, I worked for several years in law enforcement, and I gave it all up to become a coordinator for a summer camp because I barely had time to see my kids while I was working these other jobs. As much as I loved what I was doing, I gave it all up because it wasn’t conducive to having a family.
When I finally was in a position where I could stay home, I gave up my last job to be a full time Mommy. What was I thinking? I traded making life and death decisions for changing diapers and cleaning toilets?
Yes, I did. And I’m proud of my decision. I struggled with it for a long time, but when I finally realized that this was my job, my career of choice, I started to put in 100%, just like I would if I had taken a job outside of the home.
When I did that, everything changed for me. I started to see the value in what I was doing. I started to notice the changes in my children, and my relationships with other people. I noticed that I was really making a difference in the way I wanted to – in the lives of my children and my family. Nothing I had done before this meant anything when my children came to me and told me they were so happy I was home.
Yes, I still find myself searching for myself every now and then. But I now know who I am, and I’m grateful everyday that I have become this woman. I am the wife of James Register and the mother to the three most beautiful children in the world, and step-mother to one really great almost teenager. I know who I am, and I know now that I am a better woman at this moment than I have been my whole life. That means something to me.