His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
When I was engaged, I read this book and I was really impressed with the insights it provided. It has helped me greatly in the four and half years I have been married and I believe that it will continue to be of great value as we share our lives together.
The idea of the book is that everyone has a set of needs that must be met in order for them to feel satisfied and happy in a relationship. The needs for women and men are different (big surprise, right?) and when we are aware of the needs for our partner, our marriages will be much happier.
Harley explains that if your needs are not being met in your marriage, then you are going to be tempted to look elsewhere to meet those needs. You may not actually have an affair, but he claims that unmet needs are where most affairs begin.
What are these needs? Here is Harley’s list:
For a man, they are:
•Sexual Fulfillment
•Recreational Companionship
•An Attractive Spouse
•Domestic Support
•Admiration
Keep in mind, that when he says “attractive spouse” the author is not saying the wife needs to be a beauty queen. Instead, he is saying that it is important to a husband that his wife take pride in her appearance – get her hair done, wear makeup sometimes, perhaps dress up a little for a date night, etc.
For a woman, they are:
•Affection
•Conversation
•Honesty and Openness
•Family Commitment
•Financial Support
When the author talks about Financial Support, he is not saying that the wife can’t help bring home the bacon. Instead, he explains that for a woman financial security is often more important than it is to a man. One way you can help your wife feel secure is to monitor your finances and make sure that you have the funds for basic necessities.
Harley stresses that we need to work on meeting these needs in our spouse, not simply demand that our needs be met. Even if only one person works to meet the other person’s needs it can greatly improve your relationship. He also says to remember that usually people of both genders have a desire for all ten things listed. The difference is how important they are to the person.
You can find His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr. at Amazon.com
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