If you are living with an anxiety disorder – such as generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) or panic disorder – you probably live with a deep-seated set of assumptions about life that simply are not true. Unfortunately, these are assumptions so ingrained in your belief system that you never think to question them. You take these assumptions for granted, giving them needless power over your life. The key to overcoming anxiety is to bring these negative assumptions out of the shadows and into the light. Upon close scrutiny, you can come to see assumptions for what they really are – false truths that fuel unfounded fear.
As shared in my new book, Overcoming, Anxiety, Worry, and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace, there are four common assumptions I see in those living with anxiety disorders:
1) I am not worthy. One of the most insidious assumptions fueling a fear of the future is the one that says you are not worthy of good things happening to you. On the contrary, bad things happening to you is verification that you are not worthy to be loved, respected, blessed, happy, peaceful – you fill in the blank. When the foundation of your life and personality – how you feel about yourself – is shaky, your worldview and your thought-life are shaky. You distrust good things that happen because you don’t feel worthy to experience them. So when good things happen, you wait for the cosmic equalizer to come in and balance the scales. In colloquial terms, you spend your time waiting for the other shoe to drop.
2) I am not able. This assumption says you are not able to handle whatever life happens to throw your way. Since you’re sure it’s going to be negative and horrific, you go through life terrified of what the next day (or the next hour or the next minute) might ask of you. Every day you wake up and worry that you’ll find yourself crushed as a victim of circumstance.
3) I am not enough. This deep-seated fear comes from an assumption that you are insufficient in and of yourself. You live in fear of being left to your own devices, which you know to be woefully inadequate.
4) I am alone. If you know you are not worthy, able, or enough, you live in fear of being alone, of being abandoned by others. Even when in a relationship, you are fearful that it can’t last and you ultimately will revert back to your exposed and naked sense of aloneness.
Do you identify with any or all of these false assumptions about life?
Clearly, living with a set of assumptions like this can be overwhelming, if not debilitating. In response, you probably developed long ago an intricate belief system that enables you to cope in survival mode:
– Personalization. Accepting yourself as the epicenter of everything bad as a preemptive strike against the bad things you know are coming.
– Control. The need to control everything around you to reduce the number of and damage from the bad things.
– Perfectionism. The desire to be perfect in order to cut down on the number of bad things attributable to you.
– Dependency. Using the shield of others to avoid dealing with the bad things all by yourself.
– Affirmation. Working for the favor of others so they’ll continue to be your shield against the bad things.
Do you identify with any or all of these negative belief systems?
If you’re not sure, that’s okay. Most people, especially adults who have been listening to themselves for more years than they care to admit, don’t stop long enough to really listen anymore. It’s time for you to start paying attention.