I wrote earlier today about the role that the label “single” can play in our lives as single parents. I could not help but think that in the quest for fairness, we should explore how much of a role our identity as parents plays for us, and whether we have a hard time balancing our “single” status with our “parent” status (and all the other roles we play as well)?
Being a parent is probably more central to my personal identity than being single is. I would even say that being a parent is one of the most grounding and central themes in my adult life and I have mentioned before that I cannot imagine my life without my kids. That said, it is definitely not the only chunk of my identity. I am also a daughter, a sister, a friend, a worker, a writer, a woman–even with the central focus on my role as a parent, I try to find time and energy for all of those other things or my life just would not feel full and reasonably balanced.
While I know that I will technically be a parent forever, I have already felt some shifts and evolution in my parenting role. My children still need me, but as near-adults, they need me in different and lessening ways. I see that what I am giving of myself to them now is different than what I gave of myself ten or fifteen years ago. I also see how having those other areas of my life is becoming more and more important as my kids build up other areas of their lives. How about you–where does parenthood fit on your “pie” of identity? Do you think of yourself more as a parent or a single person? More of a parent than a child of your parents or a worker? Do you feel your identity shifting as your children grow and change?
Also: If I’m Not Partnered, Why Don’t I Feel Single?
No One Thing Should be My Whole Life