Miko wasn’t my first dog, but he was the first dog that was truly Mine. He passed away in his sleep in September 2003, and I was devastated. After having him as my constant companion for nearly four years, I was afraid to be in my apartment alone. Without Miko.
Three days later, I went to the local shelter, the Rutland County Humane Society in Pittsford, Vermont. I looked at the dogs there, took a few out into the yard to meet and greet, and left. Halfway back to my apartment, I turned around and went back for Lally.
Bringing Lally home solved the loneliness problem but I hadn’t really given myself time to grieve. I would doze off and wake with a jolt, thinking I heard Miko breathing. I avoided the room where he died. I cried a lot, and felt like it was my fault he died. And I was angry at Lally because she wasn’t like Miko.
I didn’t realize that last part until I started attending a pet bereavement group offered by the Rutland County Humane Society. I listened to the other owners, who had lost their beloved pets after long illnesses. And I was jealous, because they had had time to say goodbye and I hadn’t. Meanwhile, they were envious of me, having been free of the decision to put Miko to sleep after an illness, never having to watch him suffer.
In retrospect, I probably wasn’t ready for a new dog so soon after Miko passed away. But at the time, the fear of being alone was so intimidating that it overwhelmed everything else. And now that I’ve gotten to know Lally, I see her as a wonderful, intelligent, playful dog — not just another Miko. She can never be Miko. I don’t think I would want her to be Miko.
A friend of mine just lost her beloved cat Gigi in a similar way: Gigi was in bed with her as usual at bedtime… but by morning, Gigi had left the room to pass away quietly in her sleep. After a few weeks of grieving, she and her family are beginning to search for another cat.
Some people seem to never recover from the loss of a pet. My uncle will never have another dog since he carried my mother’s dog Shashi to the vet to be put to sleep. He won’t even be affectionate with dogs; he’s afraid to make a connection and lose it again. For me, I think the gain far outweighs the eventual loss.