Change can be uncomfortable. We are creatures of habit that purposely create our worlds to be comfortable and recognizable. We choose friends and partners that we can relate to, and we surround our selves with symbols of meaning and familiarity. When things change or are a little different, we often become distressed and try to pull back into our old ways of understanding. Imagine a washing machine off balance. The machine shakes and bumps as the homeostasis attempts to pull the off balanced load back into alignment. Sometimes the machine needs a helping hand: a reshuffle of the load to even it out and sometimes the machine is able to reach equilibrium itself. Either way, the change in washing sound makes us stop and take note.
Some people cope with change well. Although their centre of gravity may be off course for a short period, they adapt well to their realignment and cope with a newfound enjoyment of seeing the universe from a slightly different angle. Some people don’t cope so well with change and I have listed eight tips for coping at the end of this article.
The trick to surviving change is adaptation and patience. A few new head talk messages won’t go astray either. A cognitive restructuring of the negative messages we give ourselves about change is a key element in how deep your survival for change runs. To restructure your cognitions, change the negative messages you tell yourself into a positive message, i.e., “This is no good,” to, “this is a new experience and I will learn from it.”
Learning equals action. If you are prepared to learn from the difference and integrate it into your life, you will need to become an active participant. When I travel, I often feel uncomfortable in new situations. I worry that I may inadvertently break cultural norms or say things in a way that are just not acceptable. Experience has taught me to ensure I do some research prior to arriving in a different country. In a highly populated Muslim country I once visited, I arrived wearing clothing that made me immediately visible. The stares and rejection I received from many quarters aided my feelings of inadequacy and difference. I didn’t know where anything was, couldn’t communicate my frustration, became fixated on worrying that I was upsetting people and was too scared to enjoy my stay. I admonished myself for not having done my research to prepare myself for the change and vowed that it would never happen again. Such negative talk, what was I thinking! Thankfully, I changed my thinking to doing: I researched and acted appropriately. I went back to that country some months later, wore the same clothes, wondered what I could learn from the country and culture, immersed myself in all things different and had a BLAST!
Merging with a new internet site is a change. New members have to learn the group dynamics and culture of the site. Their experience of change may be fraught with frustration and a seemingly lack of community cohesion. Their penchant for dropping out may be high. Additional tabs, discussions or unfamiliar names popping up on the boards may also perturb existing site members. They may become so annoyed that they choose to leave.
Change is part of life. We can either embrace it or run from it to keep our secular world protected. If we choose to embrace it, we will be required to do some things differently. This is the hardest part of change. As discussed in a previous article, change takes approximately three weeks to become integrated into our daily life. For the change to be successful, it requires active interest on both sides, and, daily practice. This is easy for countries because they are mostly willing to share and present their culture. With individuals though, you may find that while you are willing, the other is not. Despite some people’s unwillingness, you won’t know their view on change until you reach out to them.
Families.com is undergoing a change. There are questions and fear on both sides of the merging parties. Some new and old members may choose to leave because things are just too different or they can’t find satisfactory answers to their questions. Before you make that decision though please consider that change frustration can be altered to change acceptance. To change, frustration to acceptance, each of us needs to be active in reaching out and becoming an active participant in the change process. To the older Families.com members, this means welcoming and assisting new members. To the SnugglePie participants, this means integrating with the new community and asking us for help if you need it. We welcome you.
If change were easy and smooth there wouldn’t be so much value placed on change management in the workplace. Click here for some tips on surviving change at work. Although Families.com is a community, a family, the tenets expressed in the Management in the Workplace staff handout are pertinent to each of us at Families.com.
How to cope with change and how to keep our SnugglePie friends:
1. Approach the change situation with an enquiring mind – What can I learn from this?
2. Know that change always involves a loss – this could be as simple as a loss of comfort or ways familiar or as huge as losing a friend or family member,
3. Allow a period of at least four weeks to adjust to the change and make a decision about whether this is a change you are willing to accommodate,
4. Reflect upon the learning and your role in the learning,
5. Reflect upon the value of the learning – Is this learning that will assist me or is this learning that I am closed to?
6. Immerse yourself as a friend of the change, rather than an enemy who is determined to have things back to normal,
7. Network within the change. Seek out someone who can facilitate answering your questions and providing you another view,
8. Know yourself – what are your boundaries? What are you willing to tolerate? What will you do when your boundary is crossed?
9. Enjoy the process – Changing your thoughts goes a long way toward becoming comfortable.