This is a huge topic; billions of dollars have been made on books, tapes, seminars and counseling services regarding divorce and the prevention of it.
There was an extreme increase in the divorce rate beginning in the early seventies, when self empowerment became popular. While self empowerment is great, it ruined a lot of homes.
Why do couples get divorced? Some of the most common answers are not about infidelity, as one may guess, but more often it stems from the feelings of having grown apart, of the marriage becoming complacent, and the resolution of those feelings is key in the prevention of separation and final divorce.
Every couple’s situation is unique, and if talking it out hasn’t seemed to help and the two of you are thinking about calling it quits, you may want to search your hearts for the real reasons. If you are hesitant, remember that there is a reason for those feelings, and your best bet may be to seek outside help to mediate the discussion. (Are you really hesitant just because of the kids?)
Mediation and counseling services can be of tremendous help in the prevention of divorce. If the relationship is salvageable but seems to be turning sour, however, there are steps the two of you can take to rekindle that romance and nip the problem in the bud. As always, the first step will be communication. You will need to make a commitment to sit across from each other, talk, and listen, and be willing to go to any lengths to save your marriage, and you both have to feel strongly about it.
Usually one or both of you are feeling ignored. If this is the case, a concerted effort can be made to easily remedy this. It’s about spending time together. Not the kind of time where you complete household chores, necessarily, but time spent just walking or talking. Going to a movie is not recommended, as there is little time to talk in a crowded theater! But a regular “date night” once a week could improve the situation tremendously. Home improvement projects (as opposed to household chores) can be a wonderful way to spend time together and increase the value of your home as well. If one of you doesn’t particularly care for the project, and the other is excited about it, go along with it and agree that the next “date” will be spent doing what the other wants to do.
Doing little things for each other to remind them that you are thinking about each other is important, too. For example, if one of you leaves the house before the other for work, write a little note and leave it where they can see it. A short sentence does wonders for a relationship.
Marriage is truly about compromise, give and take, and loss of self interest. If you want to prevent divorce it’s important to catch the problems early, while they are still small.