You’re spouse cheated on you and now he says he wants to repair the damage he’s done to the marriage. This doesn’t make much sense to you but you’re willing to give it a try for the sake of your family. Understanding how to save your marriage after an affair is crucial to your recovery from infidelity.
Step #1: Grieve the Loss of Your Old Marriage
Your marriage before the affair has died. Just like mourning the death of a loved one, you must grieve the passing of a marriage you once knew and loved.
Trying to sweep the affair under the rug and move on as if nothing ever happened will not make your recovery from infidelity any easier. What it will do is make you feel as though you’ve lost yourself somewhere.
You’ll be in the marriage but you will just go through the motions. This causes you to feel unfulfilled and resentful for being unable to find happiness in your life.
The only way that you can come out of an affair and remain in your marriage is to let yourself feel the end of your old marriage. It’s crucial that you go through the anger, sadness, and acceptance of the affair. You want to come through it with a strength you’ve never felt before and a renewed sense of love for your spouse and new marriage.
Step #2: Work on the Marriage
Once you’ve recovered from the betrayal of the affair, you’ll then be able to work on the marriage. What was it that didn’t satisfy you before that you feel will make you happy now and into the future? This is what you will work on with your spouse along with what he pictures as a satisfying and fulfilling marriage.
Step #3: Rebuild Trust
As you work on the marriage, you’ll start to feel that you trust your spouse again. While you won’t feel the level of trust you once had for him for many years, you will start to feel much more normal after you start to settle into your new marriage with him. The more time you spend with him and the more that you see that he has changed for the better, the more trust you will start to have for him.
Step #4: Realize the Good of the Affair
You are probably asking yourself, “How would you ever see anything good coming out of an affair?”
Once you’re through the recovery process and you are in your new marriage, you’ll start to see how much better it is for you and for your spouse. You will start to see the changes in yourself as well. You will feel stronger, more trusting of yourself and happier overall. You’ll have a greater appreciation for yourself and your life because you know that you’ve worked hard to save it and you’ve succeeded.
While you would never ask to have your spouse betray you in this way, you won’t be able to deny that the outcome does have some advantage. Just like after every storm the sun shines, after an affair a new marriage shines.