”I’m too set in my ways,” my older unmarried aunt used to tell me when I would ask her if she would ever get married. She was sure that she couldn’t change the way she lived her life for anyone, and would resent anyone who asked her to. So there you have it, an older woman who is convinced that she wouldn’t change for anyone.
At least she’s being realistic and honest. The internet is full of people looking for love, and you have only to log onto these chat rooms-for a fee- to be able to talk with singles in your area.
There are also quizzes on the internet you can take to find out if the guy or girl you are interested is ”marriage material.” Personally, I find these quizzes insulting. Instead of asking questions like ”does he/she listen when you are talking? Do they ask leading questions in order to find out what you are really thinking?” These quizzes play into your own securities, leading you to answers that you wish were true, not ones that are realistic. The answer to “What would he do if he found out you wanted a pet for your birthday?” give multiple choice answers and the end result is that they’ve already found someone who wants to date you, you need only join their club in order to meet mister right. Another question I found was along the lines of how clean his bathroom is. Who cares? If he’s a slob, but an understanding person with a great sense of humor, who cares how clean his bathroom is? The question should be, “If you asked him to clean his bathroom, how long would it take him to actually do it?” but I think that the question which insulted me the most had to do with how many female friends he has, implying that he’s a player and can not be trusted to commit to a monogamous relationship. My husband has a friend-a girl- who has more free time to go bowling with him than I do. Big deal.
The better quiz would not be Is He Marriage Material, but Are You Marriage Material? Can you set aside your own wants and needs for the greater good of the relationship? Do you really listen when they speak? Are you capable of committing and staying in the relationship when times get hard? (Because they will.)
Notice that none of these questions have to do with finances. Money shouldn’t be a factor when deciding if you are worthy of marriage. With the trite and stupid quizzes on the internet, it’s no wonder that people have such unrealistic ideas of what constitutes a good marriage partner. The truth is, when you are starry eyed, no amount of warning will make you change your mind about the possibility of marriage, and if you’re cynical, no amount of happy ever after talk will make you think marriage is a good idea. Do you love each other? That’s the only answer you need.