All parents know firsthand the excitement and adventure involved in taking children with them while shopping. You only need a couple of items at the local Wal-Mart, or perhaps you need to pick up some milk and bread from the grocery store. However, you have your child with you and you know what that means…”buy me, buy me, buy me!”
From a child’s perspective, walking into a store is tough. All they know is that they want everything they see and have no concept of money. To them, it is as simple as picking it up and putting it in the cart. In fact, some of the best temper tantrums have been seen right there in the middle of the store’s isle. Kicking, screaming, and tears streaming down that sweet little face – what could that child have done so wrong? More than likely, they spotted something they just could not live without and heard the words they dreaded – NO.
With there being so many single parents, not everyone has the luxury of leaving kids with a spouse to get the shopping done, but do not be disheartened. There are things you can do to eliminate experiencing your own child’s display of disappointment. There are two scenarios – you know you will be going to the store or, you need to make an unexpected stop. Either way, there is a solution. For either scenario, you have two options. First, you can explain to your child that they will be given $5.00, or whatever amount you determine, to spend on something they want, but only the following week. The money is payment for good behavior. Second, if you are short on money, you can reward them for good behavior in other ways.
Start by explaining to your child that for this trip, you will not be spending any extra money. You tell them, “Don’t ask for anything, don’t beg, don’t cry, and don’t act up in anyway. This trip does not include you getting to buy something.” However, we will come up with a different payment plan for this week. The most important thing is to be honest with your child. Do not tell them that you will “think about it.” Instead, state firmly that they will not be allowed to buy anything – period! You need to be firm with your decision and stand by your word. Once you give into your child’s tantrums, you have lost control and respect.
The following week, keep your word. If you will be rewarding them with a small dollar figure, remember that your decision to pay them is not based on the way they behaved all week but how they behaved during the last shopping trip. For this reason, you cannot take it back. Even if your child forgot, you need to remember, reminding him or her of the good behavior for which he/she is being rewarded.
If you are rewarding them with something else, the two of you can decide on something during the week. It might be a picnic and tossing a football at the park, a sleepover for a couple of friends, or something like that. It is just like you earning a paycheck. First, you do the work, and then in a week or two, you are paid. Set up this same system for your child.
If they behave while shopping one week, their paycheck is given to them the following week. You are teaching your child that good behavior does pay off. Each time your child receives their “paycheck”, they will feel a sense of pride. They made a right decision and in return, they get something back. In addition, since the money is not yours, but their “paycheck”, they will start building a stronger belief in themselves. The more they believe in themselves, the more confidence they will have and the better they will behave.