I know that every family is different and some of us have much more structured parenting plans and custody arrangements than others. But, I think that there are also times in a child’s life when flexibility might be in order. Just because the calendar says that he has to be at dad’s house, shouldn’t mean that he can’t have some “unscheduled” time with mom if the need arises. For some families, it can take a while to get to a place where unscheduled time is even possible, but I do think it needs to be a consideration as you try to build a loving, supportive net for your child.
As my kids have gotten older, our custody and parenting time schedules have become more flexible–but we initially set out to create an environment where a child could call the other parent if he or she needed to, go to lunch, take a break from one parent with another, etc. We have even extended it to include grandparents and other family members. It isn’t always easy and I will confess there have been times (especially early on) when I felt resentment at having “my time” invaded by the other parent–but I can see now how making room for the unscheduled gatherings, activities and conversations between our children and their parents has paid off in their security and strong relationships with both sides of their family.
I know this is only my opinion, but I think that kids should have access to both their parents regardless of where they happen to be–granted that the relationships are in tact and both parents have made themselves available and involved (I acknowledge there are some single parent families where the other parent is deceased or is not involved). Even in families where the other parent might not be much of a presence, allowing the grandparents and other relatives to build relationships can benefit your child. In addition to hammering out the custody arrangements and scheduling details, it can be beneficial to allow for unscheduled time as well.
Also: You May Have to Compromise for the Sake of Your Child
Getting in the Right Frameof Mind for Negotiations
Developing a Communication Style That Works With the Ex