If you’re anything like me you want to know what the level of supervision your kids are receiving while they are away from your home. For example, if our teenager gets into trouble, I as the parent am still legally responsible for him. In other words, if they get arrested for doing something stupid, and have to go to Juvenile Court, you are both legally and financially responsible for your child. You may ask “What could my little angel possibly do to get arrested?”
Well, it wasn’t all that long ago – 25 years, but whose counting anyway – when I was a teen and wanted to “hang out” with my friends. Problem was that my friends often didn’t want to stay at their house, they would go down the street, or across town to a party where alcohol or drugs were being used. Let’s say that the police are informed of said party. Picture a swarm of police cars descending upon the festivities and arresting all the party goers, including your child – I mean your little angel. Let’s give our child the benefit of the doubt here and say that he didn’t know when he agreed to go to this house that there would be underage drinking and illicit drug use. He still is in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe no one got arrested, but our child tried smoking a cigarette, viewed some pornography, and had a few beers.
You as the parent are still thinking that you only gave him permission to go to his friend’s house that you know from church. You also know the friend’s parents and were convinced they would provide adequate supervision. But, you didn’t call the parents to verify the supervision arrangements. Well HELLO! Didn’t you ever try to pulling that stunt with your parents? You say you’re going to “so and so’s house”, but instead you go to an R-Rated movie instead. These little angels will challenge us to show them their limits, and to reinforce them again and again.
Here are 5 tips on how to ensure your children are properly supervised while they are away from home:
1. Call the parents ahead of time to make specific arrangements (especially if this is the first visit), which include drop off and pick up times, what they plan on doing with their time, address/ phone numbers in case of emergency.
2. Let your child know that you will call to check on them – not all of the time, but they will never know when you will call for sure, so they better be where they say they are going to be.
3. If your child wants to go somewhere else after they arrive at their friend’s house they need to call you and get permission. They also need to give you time parameters on how long they will be gone, and specifically where they will be.
4. Make sure that your child is not going out to just roam the neighborhood. Make sure they have a plan. A good rule of thumb a parent once told me: “If you don’t know, you don’t go.”
5. Trust, but verify – Talk with your child, often. Let them know that your trust is conditional (unlike your love, which is unconditional). The more your child shows demonstrates that they can be trusted, the more you are will to allow them to do while away from your home. Your child may accuse you of being a “control freak”, and that you don’t trust. Reassure them that you do trust them, but that you are still responsible for them. Let them know you want that trust to grow.
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Holding Parents Responsible For the Actions of Their Children