Many couples fall into a pattern of becoming too comfortable in their marriages. Being comfortable together is good, but not when it grows to the point of taking each other for granted.
In our daily lives, we are generally careful not to harm or offend other people. Are we as careful when it comes to the feelings of the people closest to us? Not always.
It is important to heal hurt feelings and restore the relationship instead of going on as if nothing happened. There are three imperative steps to this process:
Step One
Take responsibility for your actions. Do not turn the situation around on your spouse, saying things like, “If you wouldn’t make me mad, I wouldn’t yell.” It is your choice to yell. That is your chosen response to the situation, and no one “makes” you behave that way. Be honest, and make amends for yelling instead of trying to place the blame on your husband or wife.
Step Two
Stop engaging in the hurtful behavior. Yelling is just an example, but whatever the hurtful behavior might be, you must actively work to stop doing it. A trite apology here and there while continuing the behavior, will only make apologies worthless. Your spouse will stop believing that you are truly sorry, if you don’t try to avoid repeating hurtful words or actions.
Step Three
Apologize sincerely. When you have offended your spouse, don’t say things like, “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” It doesn’t matter if you meant to do it or not, it still hurts. Respect your spouse enough to repair his or her feelings. It is impossible for your husband or wife to believe that you genuinely love him or her if you don’t care enough to sincerely make amends.
*The best part of this process is that once you begin to perfect the art of making up, your spouse will notice the change, and will likely follow suit. Your marriage will be closer without all those unresolved feelings to get between the two of you.