I have a confession, I’ve become a bit of a control freak. Ask anyone about the bad parts of single parenting and they will rattle off the list, finances, dealing with your ex, no down time, never getting a break, doing everything alone, and on and on. This is a list we all know too well but recently I discovered there is a side effect of single parenting that no one told me about- becoming a little controlling.
I was wondering why I was always right and other people were doing everything wrong, now I know! I’ve become very set in my ways when it comes to most things. Being the only adult who was responsible for everything means that I had to streamline my routines and pretty much carve them in stone.
If you do it my way it will get done right and in a timely manner. Everything from laundry to dishes to homework, I had a method all worked out and I didn’t like it one bit when we deviated from that routine. I needed things to run smoothly, it alleviated some of my stress.
Now that Hailey is older I see how bad this has become. Any struggle she has, I have an answer for, and when she doesn’t take my advice I’m flabbergasted. Doesn’t she know I’m always right? Doesn’t she know I’ve been down this road before and know what works?
I know it seems a little funny but it’s really not. I want to tell her how to fix her relationships, her job, her friends and anything else that comes along. This is not good for either of us. Hailey resents that I’m always butting in with unasked for advice, I resent that she doesn’t take my absolutely right advice.
It’s hard to let go. When you have been solely responsible for this child it’s very hard to let them spread their wings and fly. I still want to fix everything for her. Since the divorce I’ve been fixing things, it’s what I do. I haven’t really done Hailey any favors, she needs to learn these lessons herself, and I know this, but I can’t help but feel if she would just listen to me she could avoid all the mistakes I made.