There was a time not so long ago when I could not for the life of me imagine a life without children in my house. As a long-time single parent, so much of my time, resources, energy and budget have gone to supporting and caring for my children and it has definitely given my life grounding and purpose. The end is on the horizon, however, and while I will always be a mom and I know that I will continue to be a part of my kids’ lives, I have also started to realize that there is going to be an awful lot of time, freedom and opportunity as my kids fly the nest. I think for a single parent, it helps to start to make plans for what life might be like and set some goals for what one can do when the child or children finally leave home.
For me, I only have one child still in high school and while my kids have not hit their twenties yet, they ARE making plans of their own for how to live more independently. There are days when it feels as though they will never be ready, but I know it will be here before we all know it and I need to have a plan for what I will do with myself when my mothering role takes on a different look.
Are there dreams that you put on hold when you became a single parent? Are there things you have always wanted to learn or do and have wondered when you would have the time, the discretionary income or the energy? I think it helps to start to bolster and build your own personal life BEFORE your kids leave home so that it will not be so daunting and shocking. If you already have volunteer work, friends, and are learning how to do new things, you will have something to focus on as you grieve and adjust to the child or children leaving home. If you wait until your nest is empty, it could be more painful.
It is perfectly okay to fantasize and make plans for what you will do when the children leave home. It does not make you less of a parent or mean that you are excited and anxious for them to move on; it simply means that you are planning for the future and getting ready for the next step. Leave some wiggle room in your plans and expect the unexpected, but there is nothing wrong with gearing up and figuring out what you will want to do when the chicks fly the nest.