Marriage After Divorce

Marriage after Divorce Statistics indicate that 50% of all first marriages fail but are you aware the divorce rates of second marriages are estimated to be over 70%? Maybe this explains why many people end up married three and four times before they find that person to grow old and live with until, “death do we part“.

There are many reason why a second marriage has a bigger risk of failure then the first. Often, divorced people remarry quickly and find themselves living with the rebound or transitional person. Sometimes, the second marriage was entered into for emotional or security reasons following a divorce. Many times during a second divorce a person will admit they remarried for the wrong reasons, or too quickly. It could be like riding a bike–once you know how to get a divorce you may never forget.

Some divorced people rush into a second marriage because they are not equipped to live life in solitude or they feel they are incomplete without a mate. My ex-husband remarried a week after our divorce was final stating that he could not live without a woman to share his life with. My mother remarried quickly because she was not able to accept her role as a single woman alone after 25 years of marriage.

When there are children involved a second marriage is far more stressful then the first. Parents have to balance what is right for their children while building a relationship with their new spouse. Loyalties and interferences from the ex spouse can add dynamics a first marriage never encounters. Child support obligations can affect a second marriage financially and add another dynamic for dispute.

The best advice I had following my failed 14-year marriage was to give myself time before dating again. During my divorce, I found a counselor to help me sort my feelings out and make better choices for my future. I was advised to wait at least two months for each year of my divorced relationship, to allow myself to heal and think clearly. By the time my waiting period passed, I found I was over the majority of the pain and guilt I felt for having a failed marriage. Of course, I had a series of dates with men who could be classified as the rebound relationship but I was more emotionally able to recognize when a relationship was flawed.

The second marriage does not have to be another divorce for someone who is able to take time and find happiness as a single person. Focusing on making your own life stable and finding out what your personal priorities are can be the key to being a whole person when you do re-enter the dating scene. Understanding who you are and what it was that caused a first marriage to fail will make you a better spouse the second time around and will also allow you to choose better in the future.

Photo credit for this blog entry: sxc (no use restrictions for this photo)

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