Everyone can think of a few couples who seem to have ideal marriages. What is their secret? Perhaps they were the perfect match in the first place. Or maybe the have a lot of support from their extended family. Or maybe they spend hours walking hand in hand in the sunset.
Most of us have less than perfect situations, and the people who are the most successful in marriage, as with anything else, know how to put in some effort and time. However, in the typical modern household, both parents work and divide chores and childcare, so who has time left to concentrate on one’s marriage?
A perfect example of a person who knew how to spend quality time with people was the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneersohn, known to the world as “The Rebbe”. He used to stand for hours on Sunday giving dollars to hundreds of people to give to charity. Even after very brief encounters with individuals, sometimes lasting only seconds, the Rebbe would remember these encounters many years later. He understood the power of listening and concentration.
Once when the Rebbe was in the hospital, he asked his doctor how his relationship was with his wife. The doctor complained that he had very little time at the end of the day to spend with his wife. The Rebbe recommended that the doctor sit for a few minutes at night and talk to his wife over a cup of tea, which is exactly what the Rebbe and his wife, Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka, did nightly. Sometimes the Rebbe worked 20 hours a day, but he always had those few precious minutes to talk to her and to give her his undivided attention.
In our marriages, we don’t need to carve out entire weekends for trips, movies etc..to really feel like we are united with our spouse. Just a few minutes a day of undivided attention can make our spouse feel loved and necessary in our lives. So take ten minutes tonight and have a cup of tea with your spouse. You might just decide to have a second cup!