The last couple of days we’ve talked about what love is. But there is another truth and that is, loving can be hard. ‘Loving can be hard. Sometimes we don’t feel loving, but it isn’t all about feeling. Very often it’s about will. Practice that if you can,’ said the wise married Tim Kavanagh to a young couple. I read this recently in a Jan Karon novel ‘Home to Holly Springs’ and thought it expressed it very well. We need to set our will to making our marriage work and to keep on loving our spouse.
Frustrated husband said in the forum ‘is marriage supposed to be this much work?’ And judging by some of the responses and other comments in the forums there are others how find it hard work too.
So I did what I often do, I went and talked it over with Mick
‘Do you think marriage is hard work?’
He thought for a moment. Yes, he’s used to these sorts of questions. ‘It’s work in that it doesn’t come naturally. Not sure it’s hard work but you do have to work at marriage. You can’t just coast along and not bother.’
You can see why I love Him can’t you? I get an honest, thought out answer.
He went on to say it’s rather like that song we were talking about yesterday that came on the radio. The song in question was the Pina Colada song which I said was ‘a very sad song,’ for its portrayal of those in a long term relationship.
The couple weren’t working at it. It had all become ho-hum and so they, each unknown to the other, look for someone else. And end up with each other. And he says to her ‘I never knew…’ and lists all the things he never knew she liked. What does that tell you about the relationship? He’d never bothered to find out. He was not meeting her needs any more than she was meeting his. I have no doubt this song was intended to be humorous but I found it sad, a sad comment on society and so did Mick, because the idea was – if it’s boring and routine don’t work at it, just give up and move on.
Mick also made the comment that ‘marriage can’t be one sided. It shouldn’t be expected for one person to make all the effort and do all the work.’
It needs to be a two way street of give and take. And as he often is, he is so right.