Marriage means you shouldn’t keep secrets, right? So is not keeping secrets – telling each other absolutely everything? Not necessarily. There is a fine line between disclosure and privacy. Every couple has a subject or subjects that are considered taboo. The subjects may be taboo because they have either collectively decided to not discuss them or simply left them untouched.
The simple fact is conversation and disclosures are two different things. For example, when you are dating and getting to know each other, you are very likely to share humorous anecdotes and tales of your past. You might talk about a high school dance, a college major or even a first trip overseas or a vacation spent with a grandparent.
You are not likely to talk about darker times, sadness or misery. You won’t talk about the things that make you afraid or that go bump in the night. You won’t talk about the things that trouble you deeply. You won’t talk about your nightmares. These are confidences that are shared later and sometimes never. Those are intimacies that open doors into each other that are only opened when trust has grown strong enough between both of you to allow for it.
Confidences & Intimacy are Still Not Everything
Still, confiding in your spouse is a far cry from telling them everything. There are plenty of things we don’t mention throughout our daily activities – thoughts, observations, moments of humor shared with friends. These are things that don’t matter very much in the great grand scheme of your relationship. They don’t have to be deep, dark secrets or hidden infidelities – they are just a part of human nature.
For example, I know there are things that my husband talks about with his friends – people he’s known since he was a child – that he won’t likely bring up to me. Is he keeping a secret? No. Is he telling me everything? No. But those aren’t the important questions in this scenario – the important question is whether you need to know everything? And the truth is – you don’t. So no, couples don’t have to discuss every nuance in the minutiae of their lives to be open, honest and faithful to each other.
Do you and your spouse have taboo subjects?