Are you friends with your spouse? I don’t mean, do you like each other in addition to being in love, although that’s a very good thing to. I mean, can you really sit down and have a long conversation with your spouse and come away from it feeling as though you’ve just had a really good talk with a friend?
I am so lucky in that I’m married to my best friend. It’s not something that happened immediately—when we were first married, I sure did like him a lot, but I still had my social circle and my girlfriends and I’d call them up to talk about life, and then sort of give my husband the highlights. But the longer we’ve been together, and the more we’ve worked as a team to solve our problems and meet life’s challenges, the more he has become my best friend, and now he truly is that for me. I can’t wait until he comes home from work at night—not just because he entertains the kids and reduces my stress level, but because I want to share my day with him. I want to bounce ideas off him. I’m not calling my girlfriends for validation—I’m turning to him.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to have friends of the same gender—not at all. I treasure and value all the female friends I have and I’m so grateful for them. But I’m also grateful that I get to spend every day of my life with someone that I not only love romantically, but who I appreciate and trust as a good, solid friend, someone who listens to me and genuinely wants me to succeed.
I know a woman who has never been able to see men in a positive light. Experiences in her life have given her the idea that men aren’t to be trusted, and she feels the need to put on a show and pretend to be someone she’s not whenever she’s in a relationship. It’s a defense mechanism, I know. But my sincerest wish for her, and for all women, is to find a man who will be that best friend and who will back them up in all things. This kind of relationship is completely possible, and you can have it with your current spouse, even if you think it unlikely. Keep communicating. Keep opening your heart. It can happen for you, too.