Congratulations on the safe return of your loved one. As much as you are overjoyed by his (or her) safe return, it is not uncommon to also feel a bit apprehensive just before you reunite with your spouse after a long separation. It helps to prepare yourself for your loved one’s return and to give yourself, and your spouse, some time to become reacquainted.
While not every couple suffers from these concerns, and it isn’t frequently discussed, it happens more than you might think. It also happens to couples in other types of long distance relationships and in marriages where one spouse travels frequently or is otherwise gone for long periods of time, so don’t feel bad about it.
As far as warming up to each other goes, it can be an anxious time, but it can also be very exciting. It can be like dating all over again. People change so you may need to get to know each other once more.
It is best to avoid unrealistic expectations about homecomings and reunions. He or she is happy to see you too but may also need some time to readjust to this life. The more you are able to relax, and the sooner your spouse will begin to as well.
Many times people expect a particular scene when they reunite, because they have rehearsed it over and over again in their minds. They are disappointed if the other person doesn’t follow the imagined script. This happens in all kinds of marriages regarding many types of occasions.
Remember that he hasn’t seen the script, so don’t hold him to it. Just try to enjoy each moment you have together, even the ordinary ones. Such moments can be a wonderful comfort to someone who has spent a good deal of time living anything but an ordinary life.
While surprises, celebrations, and outings with family and friends can be wonderful, they can also be a bit overwhelming for some people when planned too soon after their return. You know your spouse better than anyone else does, so if you sense that he is overwhelmed, try to understand, and let him socialize at his own pace.
You are no doubt anxious to do special things to make him or her feel as loved and as welcome as possible, but overdoing it can defeat the purpose. Just try to concentrate on little things that will make him feel special, and save those grand surprises and events until he’s had more time to adjust.