As of this writing, 85% of our coalition military troops are in Iraq. If you are married to a soldier, you know how hard things are right now. The worry and the fear can over ride our pride in having a family member fighting over there, and while “absence makes the heart grow fonder” you know how trite that saying can be. You wonder what things will be like when they come home, and you may have had to answer some hard questions from the kids. While this article can only give suggestions on how to keep your marriage strong through these trying times, it is also intended to give you some strength and hope.
While the internet has made it easier to get a message to our spouse, one of the first ways to live through the absence of your loved one is to write letters. Email is a wonderful thing, maybe the best of things when it comes to being able to see your soldier over a webcam, or let them see their family back home, and we are grateful for it, but there is a certain joy in receiving hand written letters which can be saved and held dear forever. It is a time honored tradition to hand write letters to those in the field, so keep up that tradition by writing to your spouse daily.
There is something about seeing your spouses own hand writing that is comforting-for both of you. Be sure to write often, and write about your daily life. You may think it’s boring, but your spouse will feel closer to you when they know what you do in a regular day. Write about what the best thing was about doing your errands today, and what was the worst. Tell them what’s going on in your home town, your child’s school, everything you can think of. It matters.
Send care packages, not just what you think they need, but something private and special. A shirt that smells like your shampoo, a trinket that they gave you when you first got together, anything that will help keep them close. Don’t forget hand drawn pictures from the kids, who are missing them just as much as you if not more, and encourage them to take part in daily writing as well.
Most of all, remember that you are not alone. Make contact with other military families and take advantage of the support they have to offer. There are literally hundreds of websites, chat rooms, and resources available to hook you up with other families that are going through the same emotions that you are, and the friendship and comfort found in these support groups is invaluable. Simply type “military families support” into your web browser to be taken immediately to sites where you can share your thoughts and feelings with others experiencing the same feelings you are, these are free sites; some are set up by the government, others are personal blogs set up by other spouses and family members here at home.