Socialization, as defined by the dictionary, is the process by which one learns the behaviors necessary to survive in one’s culture. One who is socialized then, is one who uses and applies cultural knowledge and understanding to various situations.
According to the definition of socialization, we can say that socialized people learn to recognize the ‘norm’. I know some people would buck the abstract concept of ‘the norm’. But in reality there are things that we can agree upon that are considered socially unacceptable. Running and yelling through a library, dancing on top of a table at dinner. . .you get my point. There are also small nuances in which children learn to accept messages from our culture about people. However, my daughter is oblivious to them.
My mother is visiting from Colorado this week. She only gets to see her grandchildren once a year and she likes to get caught up on the latest. My daughter is only too happy to talk about her life and so ensued a conversation about her friends.
My mom asked her if she had a best friend. In my daughter’s typical diplomatic fashion, she said that she has lots of friends that she likes but she enjoys doing stuff with one friend in particular. Then she begins to describe her friend Crystal:
“She’s really nice. She and I like to play dress up and sometimes we make skits. We also had fun playing hide and seek. She has a nice personality and likes to talk a lot. . .which is good because so do I. We recently went to a concert together. And her big sister Amanda babysits us.”
Sounds like she’s pretty well socialized right? She has good friends, and all seems well with the world. All is well with the world in Lizzy’s life, but she failed to mention two things that describe Crystal that most of us would likely see right from the start. The first is that Crystal is Chinese. The second is that Crystal is blind.
I think it is interesting that the two most prominent physical descriptors of an individual– my daughter completely misses, instead choosing to focus on Crystal’s personality and the things they like to do together. Could it be because she’s unsocialized that she fails to see these things? Could it be that what every one else would see, my daughter misses because she’s schooled in an environment where skin color and a handicap are no more remarkable than being blonde and tall? I strongly suspect that since my daughter has been taught at home that everyone is equal–she really believes it. She’s not being told one thing in the classroom and then another by her peers on the play ground. If this is the case, I think I’m glad my daughter is unsocialized.
Related Articles:
The Big Socialization Question
Beating a Dead Horse: More on Socialization
Let’s Just Stop Answering the Socialization Question