I have written before about the realities of negotiating big parenting decisions with your child’s other parent. It can be a tough situation that takes tact, diplomacy and getting your mind just right before you even enter into the discussions. Even with all this preparation and care, the conversations might not go well, and it might take more than one conversation before you are able to come to an agreement.
I don’t know about you, but during my separation and after my divorce, I wanted to talk to my children’s father as little as possible. I was so focused on getting my footing and reorganizing my life and family in a new way that conversations with him were tainted and tinged with old baggage and I didn’t want to have any more to do with them that I absolutely had to. This meant that I wanted to have quick discussions and get to a decision quickly too. Alas, this wasn’t always possible. We had to learn that it was better to table a discussion and make an appointment to come back together than it was to try to hammer it out when we were not in a place to reach agreement.
Think of other big negations you’ve had in your life–negotiating for a raise or a new job, buying a house or car, etc.–chances are, these negotiations took more than one meeting and there was a bit of give and take before a final decision was made. When it comes to big parenting and family decisions, the same can be true. Instead of trying to rush through to minimize discussion or conflict, it may be necessary to take your time, take a break, regroup, and meet again in order to give you and your child’s other parent the opportunity to make a well-informed agreement and decision.
Also: You May Have to Compromise for the Sake of Your Child
Getting in the Right Frame of Mind for Negotiations