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Not Really One of My Relatives

money Don’t you just hate it when you get a bunch of spam email, that fills up your inbox? I’m not sure what about it annoys me the most: the little bit of extra time it takes to delete it, or the disappointment I feel when I discover that it wasn’t an email from a friend or relative after all. Recently, I got a spam email from a bank that had a sum of money waiting for me, left there by a distant relative. If only that were true!

We all have heard about the typical email scams that have been going around the internet. There are the emails that try to look like they came from your bank, (when they really didn’t). There are spam emails that try and look as though they were sent to you about your Medicare insurance, (but are actually from a private insurance company, that is trying to trick you into becoming one of their new customers). The most notorious spam emails might be the kind that are sent to inform you that a bank, in some foreign country, has a large sum of money that is just waiting for you to receive it, thanks to a distant relative whom you have never heard of.

Recently, I got an email from someone named “elizamark”. The subject line read: “love and trust”, and the email started off with the phrase: “Hello dear”. At this point, I’m thinking that Ms. Elizamark must be an elderly British woman, who has somehow mistaken me for her granddaughter. Then, I read the content of the email. (I have left in all the typos that appeared in the email I received).

“The manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance department (a series of numbers appeared here), bank limited, The board of directors mandated me to look for any known relation of late Mr. Morris Thompson, who deposited a huge amount of money in our bank without claim, so I decided to contact you, with self confidence, so you can apply for the claim of this funds with my full corporation so I can join you later in your country, more details and confidentiality contact my private email addresses (an email address was listed here), or (another email address was listed here) God will surly bless you.”

After being contacted “with self confidence” and given the blessing of a surly God, how could I possibly not want to hurry up and respond to the email? You don’t have to be a professional genealogist to realize that there is little chance that I am, in fact, related to “late Mr. Morris Thompson”, assuming he exists. I’m half tempted to send Ms. Elizamark an email, asking questions. I would, of course, start with the “hello dear” that she began our correspondence with.

“You say I am related to Mr. Morris Thompson? How exciting! Am I related to him through maternal, or paternal, lineages? How many generations are we away from each other? Please send me the official copies of his birth, marriage, and death certificates, that you undoubtedly have on hand. I would love to see a photo of what he looked like when he was alive. Does he have children? Tell you what, just send me a copy of his ahnentafel chart, and I will figure it out from there.

May your surly God bless you as well,
Jennifer”

Image by Daniel Borman on Flickr