It is very hard to sustain a lasting relationship with someone you don’t respect. Hopefully mutual respect was one of the attributes that brought you together in the first place. Mutual respect for each other’s beliefs and feelings; likes and dislikes, is important because no two people are exactly alike, no matter how much you have in common, and the ability to respect each other’s ideas and privacy is paramount to making a relationship work.
Do you like the same music? Maybe not, but if you respect each other you will allow each other to listen to whatever you want, without tearing each other down or belittling one another for it. This is an oversimplified example, but you can insert anything where the word ‘music’ is. Maybe you don’t agree with your husband or wife on their political views or choice of movies, but mutual respect means that you are wiling to not make them feel bad about what they like. It’s not so much about backing off and letting each other continue to be the person they where when you got married as it is about the way you treat each other as a result of a disagreement in tastes.
You can not be taught to respect each other mentally, either you do or you don’t. But you can learn to be tolerant of each other by asking yourself ”how important is it really?”
Do you have to be right about everything all the time? Do they? This is about control and insecurity, and if there is mutual respect involved-real respect-then there is no need for someone to have to have the upper hand in a discussion.
You can be taught how to respect each other’s privacy and feelings.
How people feel is valid. Even if you think that they are over reacting or perceiving the situation wrongly, feelings are valid and you both need to respect that. Respecting privacy may be a little harder. When you enter into a marriage partnership, you often talk about sharing everything. That doesn’t give you the right to read each other’s mail, so to speak. Respecting privacy gets blurry when feelings are at stake.
For example, maybe your spouse wants to take a trip alone. Most marriages, especially in the earlier years, suffer for this because the attitude is one of “we’ll do everything together.” Alone time is important for spiritual development, and if you respect and trust each other, it shouldn’t hurt your feelings if the other person needs some alone time. To disrespect that need causes hurt feelings, mistrust, and poor communication which is damaging to the marriage.
Respect means being truly interested in how the other person feels and thinks about a topic, and allowing them to have their own set of values, beliefs, likes and dislikes. Respect means that their opinion matters, even if you disagree with it. Respect means allowing the other person to live with out being made to feel “less than” for their choices.