There is no greater truism in Hollywood and romance novels that opposites attract. The saying comes from the idea of the magnetism. In magnetism – the two opposing forces are so powerful that they are indelible drawn to each other. In real life, our opposite is always extremely attractive. Have you ever wondered why?
Well, initially, those differences in personality and personal behavior fuel the fires of what many view as the great passion of an early relationship. There is a thrill associated with doing things you might not have dared to do before. There is something equally appealing to the daring trying the quiet – with the right person. Those differences are what make us go back for more and can even generate love between two people.
Love is an important component in marriage. But when love is wrapped up in how different our mate is from ourselves it can lead to problems and conflicts when the honeymoon phase is over. The same spontaneity that was so wonderful when you first met is a royal pain when you like to plan ahead. The planner who can tick off every moment of every day that was so cute and attractive in the beginner can be downright dull if they aren’t willing to be spontaneous anymore.
So what do you do? What do you do when you clash over finances, neatness, planning and parenting? What do you do when you start wondering why did you ever marry this person? What happens when the opposing attraction becomes a repellant?
You pool your strengths. You sit down and you figure out where each of you are strong and you let that partner take the lead. Note, I did not say take control. Sharing the burdens, sharing your strengths and helping each other goes a long way towards improving your intimacy. It can also help avoid the natural resentment for being ‘stuck’ with a portion of the responsibility.
If you specialize in details, right down to always knowing where everything is located in the house. Make a deal, your partner should always return things to exactly where they found them. This way when they ask, you’ll know the answer and neither of you will get frustrated. If you prefer your house to be so clean you could literally eat off the floor, don’t harp on your spouse’s inability to stay neat – help them by demonstrating they should always leave an area better than they found it.
In our household, the dishwasher is run every night whether it’s full or not. Part of the reason for this is I put up all the dishes in the morning while the coffee is brewing. During the day, whenever someone eats, the dirty dishes are then rinsed and loaded straight into the dishwasher. This is the compromise we came to because I hate a dirty kitchen and he hates having to do a major chore. Neither of us has to do a lot and we’re both happy with the results.