The next phase of your adoption journey, before the baby is born, is the time between when you get a match until the birth of your baby. This period can be very exciting with the expectation of a new baby on the way. But yet during this time there can be some fear and apprehension of what could go wrong. For instance, talking and meeting with the birthmother, fear that the birthmother may change her mind, and just hoping that everything will go well with her pregnancy. As a couple, you have already have come far in your adoption journey. My suggestion is to enjoy getting prepared for your new baby. For some couples this phase can be a short as a twenty-four hour notice to as long as five or six months. Below I have listed some steps that you may take during your last phase of your adoption journey.
1. You have been matched to your birthmother and you’re excited, relieved, and thankful that you have been chosen. At this point, if your agency offers counseling services, you should be talking to your counselor who will be giving you advice on your first conversation with the birthmother.
2. Write out a very large check to the adoption agency. You may also be signing a match agreement with the agency between you and the birthmother. Make sure that you are clear what costs you are going to be paying for. Do not be afraid to ask questions.
3. Prepare for your first telephone conversation with the birthmother. Understand that you are going to be nervous. You are going to feel like you are going on a first date and you should treat it as so. Ask the birthmother about herself, her hobbies, and her family. If the birthfather is not in the picture avoid asking questions about him.
4. If you have the opportunity, go and meet the birthmother in person. Get to know her as the person she is and not just the women carry your future child. The more you know about her, the more you will be able to share with your child in the future.
5. Now some may not agree with this next step, but go register at a baby store. You are going to need all the baby gear. Have fun, and don’t worry about the flat belly. It’s one of many positives about adoption. No weight gain. Be proud that you are adopting.
6. If you have the time decide whether you want an adoption shower or not. This is a personal decision. Some choose to have the adoption shower after baby is born. Many do not believe in baby showers at all.
7. Consider setting up a 1-800 number for the birthmother to call you with updates.
8. Be prepared to leave at a moments notice, especially as the due gets closer. Alert your friends, family, and employers that you may have to take off suddenly.
9. Look through baby name books and consider names. Just don’t do it over Martinis. The next day you will look at the list and wonder what you were thinking.
10. Get the call from the agency. “The birthmother is in labor. Come right away.”
Welcome to the next phase of your life.