logo

The Global Domain Name (url) Families.com is currently available for acquisition. Please contact by phone at 805-627-1955 or Email for Details

Parenting Gone Wrong–An Answer for Kaye

For those of you who are just jumping in, you may want to take a moment and peruse the other blogs in this discussion between Kaye, one of our education bloggers, and I. I have listed them at the bottom of this blog.

Kaye poses some good questions regarding home schooling. She has a neighbor, who it seems, may not be the next poster child for HSLDA. He doesn’t seem to know what he should at his age, he’s out when it seems he should be home schooling, and his behavior is less than ideal. Kaye wonders, like so many other people–who is holding bad homeschoolers accountable?

I obviously can’t begin to speak for this neighbor’s child. Let me say that there are people out there who do not take their responsibility to home school their child seriously and Kaye may well have found one of those families. However, let me contend that this is not representative of the majority of home schooling families.

There are an estimated 1.2 million home schooled children in the United States. Studies have shown that these homeschoolers are outperforming their public school counterparts on standardized tests. The average home schooled child scores about a grade level ahead than his publicly schooled counter part. The longer the child is home schooled, the larger the gap. By 8th grade, the average homeschooler scores 4 grade levels ahead of his schooled (public or private) counterpart. Homeschoolers have done so impressively, as a group, that Harvard, Yale, and Standford (to name a few) all have programs to recruit homeschoolers to their colleges. With that said, are there bad homeschoolers–yes! There are bad homeschoolers, bad doctors, bad dentists and even. . .bad teachers. But as a group, homeschoolers are succeeding academically.

For the sake of argument, let’s propose that Kaye is absolutely right about her neighbor. This is one family for whom home schooling is not the best choice. May I suggest that it’s bad parenting and not bad home schooling? If a parent who commits to home school, then does not take this home schooling commitment seriously, that should be a reflection on the parenting and not on home schooling in general. This family takes its commitment very seriously and another parent’s actions shouldn’t reflect on my home schooling or even home schooling in general.

I also know a family where I think the kids may be better off in school. The parents allow t.v. several hours a day, the children eat whatever they want, whenever they want, and the parents seem to allow their kids to do anything. Surely this isn’t a home schooling issue but a parenting issue. I suspect that should these kids go to school, the parents wouldn’t come to parent/teacher conferences, wouldn’t assist the teacher in discipline problems if there were any, and wouldn’t come to school functions/activities. I still contend that the more involved a parent is in his child’s education, the better the kids do.

Who Hold Families Accountable?
This is a sticky question among homeschoolers and those who are against home schooling. Homeschoolers, for the most part, are against board of education regulations for many reasons. First of all, it is highly unlikely that our home school liasion reads anything I send her. It is just a gut feeling I have. Secondly, school districts across the nation repeatedly demonstrate that they are unfamiliar with regulations by harassing families who are in compliance. Thirdly, many parents feel that it doesn’t make sense for a failing school system to monitor the progress of home schooled students. And finally many parents feel they have the right to home school without government intervention.

Regulations vary drastically from state to state and how they are enforced frequently vary from district to district. For example, my sister in law, who lives in Connecticut does not have to do anything. Not one single piece of paper work. While I on the other hand, have to file a letter of intent, and IHIP (individualized home instruction plan), 4 quarterly reports, and an annual assessment for my child. I have to teach basic subjects but I don’t have to buy a curriculum to follow, nor is one provided for me. (We do buy a curriculum and follow it loosely.) Missouri requires a fairly detailed list of attendance, books read, lesson plans, and samples of the child’s work. But that doesn’t mean anyone checks on it.

However, with this being said, let me propose that it is not necessarily better in a public school. Quality of education varies widely from district to district. If my children were in the next school district over, we may never have considered home schooling. One of the hardest things for me to grasp when I first started teaching is that some kids fall through the cracks. It’s a fact of life in a bureaucracy. It is designed to meet the needs of most of the kids, most of the time but the public education system cannot meet the needs of all kids all the time. There are cracks that sometimes schools cannot repair. There are schools across the country where the education is sub-standard. For many families, home schooling is a solution for their students who may have fallen through the cracks at school.

A Different Type of Schooling
When people found out I was pregnant with twins, many suggested that I send my kids to school. Surely, I would not have enough time to home school a 2nd grader, a kindergartner, take care of a three year old and newborn twins. It’s not easy, but it can be done. I can’t presume to answer for Kaye’s neighbor, but many of our “concerned” friends asked similar questions that she has asked so let me take a moment and address them.

First of all, we don’t do school during normal school hours. We do school whenever it fits in. We school year round so that we can afford to take days off as needed, and so that we can spend less hours per day schooling. (New York State, by the way, does have requirements dictating how many hours per year I home school.) My husband comes home and home schools our kids in the evening as well. So while all the other kids are in school in September, you may well see my kids at the park at 10am. That doesn’t mean they aren’t learning.

Kaye also mentioned that this boy doesn’t seem to know things he should. Perhaps he has been taught different material? For example, in public schools here, kids learn their state capitals in 1st and 2nd grade. They also study U.S. history early. They don’t study state history until 4th grade and I can’t figure out IF they study world history at all. However, my kids have studied world geography and ancient history and New York City history/geography. I highly doubt my kids could tell you any of the state capitals at all. But they know that New York City is in New York State, basic New York City geography (like Manhattan is an island, the major rivers, etc.). They can also look at a map of the world and at least label the continents, and major oceans. My older child can put most countries (even minor ones) in their correct continents. She can further explain how archaeologists work and study ancient cultures, she can name some basic facts about ancient Egypt. While I’m sure if my kids were given a test that public school kids here take, my kids would “fail” but are they really behind? I think not.

I hope that this answers some of your questions. Kaye, you may be right to be concerned for your neighbor but I would say this: don’t throw out home schooling for a few bad examples!

Articles in This Discussion:
Homeschooling Gone Wrong–A Response to Valerie

Why I Homeschool: An Answer for Kaye