Approximately half of all marriages will end in divorce. These are pretty grim odds. It is easier than ever to get divorced, thanks to no fault divorce statutes in many states. Many religions also no longer criticize divorce from a religious point of view. So when things get rough, why not bail ship?
Here are the top 5 reasons to reconsider divorce:
Once you have children, except for extremely abusive situations, divorce is not an escape from marital problems! Whatever issues you have during your marriage – be it trust, financial issues, or just the good old irreconcilable differences – they are not likely to go away through divorce. In fact, many parents find that they maintained a better sense of control and were respected more, as a parent while they were married. Once you live apart, all bets are off.
Divorce is expensive. Hiring a lawyer is incredibly expensive. Taking time off work, who knows how often or for how long, to attend court hearings, mediations and conferences as you try to hammer out an agreement will cost even more money. If you should need to take your case to court, all bets are off on the amount of money it will cost!
Life after divorce is expensive. It is expensive for all parties. Women who were stay at home moms are typically now expected, by the courts, to support their children, financially requiring possibly a new childcare bill on top of all the old bills. Child support isn’t meant to support the child’s custodial parent and will only help a bit. Non-Custodial parents find that their level of lifestyle falls markedly after divorce as they often have to find a new home and pay all living expenses along with partially supporting their children and possibly their spouse. And, frequently, courts require expenses that were optional during the marriage such as health insurance, life insurance, child care, orthodontics, college costs and more.
If you are the non-custodial parent, you are divorcing your kids. Or at least it will feel that way. You may have visions of being away so often during the marriage that things won’t seem that different for any of you. The reality is that, unless your spouse is determined to keep you in the loop and proactively involve you in as many ways as possible, you will be out of the loop. You won’t know about doctor appointments or dental visits until you get the bill. You won’t get a say in who watches your kids while your spouse is gone or how often your spouse leaves your kids. You won’t know who your kids’ friends are or how they spend their time after school. Sometimes it is difficult to even see a report card. Although it is en vogue for judges to award “joint legal custody” to both parents, the reality is still that the custodial parent is awarded the right to make the bottom line decisions if there is a disagreement and the non-custodial parent has the right only to fight it in court (and still, often times, will not win).
If you are the custodial parent, you will get the day –to-day luxury of seeing the damage that divorce causes, first hand. Even in amicable divorces where parents share custody of their children, the family dynamic will change dramatically and children will be affected. Even if both parents go on to remarry, many children will remain transfixed on the idea of their parents reunifying. The idea of a trauma-free divorce is a myth, even when parents do “all the right things”.
That said, there are certainly situations were divorce is unavoidable and all parties will be healthier if the relationship ends. Abusive situations are a prime example of such situations. If the relationship between spouses is so unhealthy or controlled and one or both spouse have absolutely no desire to get help to fix the situation, it becomes more unhealthy to stay married than it does for a child to experience a divorce. In those cases, we should all be thankful for liberal divorce laws.
I read a shocking statistic recently. US Divorce Statistics quoted in a 2003 issue of Divorce Magazine found 40% or more of divorced people now believe that their divorce was a mistake or could have been avoided. This is the tragedy of it all. So if you are thinking divorce because it would be an easy solution and better for all parties, think again!