Dear Future Pregnant Self,
Congratulations, you are expecting baby number (2? 3? 10?)! Do you remember the first time you were pregnant? Your poor husband cringed every time you opened your mouth. Go ahead; ask him if he remembers that first pregnancy. “You were mean,” he’ll say. It’s time to face the truth. You were not a very nice pregnant woman. Even though you blamed your sharp tongue and bossy behavior on your raging pregnancy hormones, there is no excuse. You even made your sister cry when labor set in. That’s just wrong.
This time you need to do a little preemptive heart surgery, so to speak. Sure, those hormones may make you want to spew whatever order or criticism that comes to mind in the heat of the moment; but have you considered that what comes out of your mouth has more to do with what’s hiding in your heart than what’s hiding in your womb? I propose a three prong attack to prevent any further damage this time around.
1. Address concerns before they come up, while you still have a clear head and minimal emotional involvement. Talk openly with your husband about what is important to you. For example, do you need help carrying the laundry up and down stairs? Or are you afraid of slipping on the snowy driveway because your balance is a little unsteady, and you want to make sure he keeps up with the shoveling? If you talk about it and make plans ahead of time, you’ll be less likely to get into a situation where you need help and he is not immediately available or prepared to provide it. Sometimes our men don’t realize how big of a deal something is until after the fact, when we’re already beat red with steam coming out of our ears, and that’s not really fair to either party.
2. Practice gratitude. One of the best ways to counter a bad attitude is to focus on being thankful for the blessings in your life. Make a list of all the things you are thankful for in your husband, your children, and your family. Make an extra effort to voice your gratitude to your family when it’s appropriate. Make sure your husband knows how much you appreciate his help during your pregnancy. The more you voice your gratitude, the more it will sink in and really begin to change the way you react to life.
3. Smile, ponder, and then respond. Smiling releases endorphins and serotonin. That means smiling can instantly alter your physical and emotional state for the better, which is particularly important if you were about to bite your husband’s head off for not shoveling the driveway 2.5 seconds after you asked him to. Once you smile, (even if it’s at the wall), you will be better able to think clearly. Ask yourself, “Do I really want to say that? How will it affect the rest of the evening? Will that hurt this person’s feelings?” Finally respond in the way you will wish you had ten minutes from now, when there is an uncomfortable silence in the room and tears stain your sister’s face. Please, smile first, fake it if you have to, think for one moment, and then respond appropriately. Knee-jerk, progesterone and estrogen-laced reactions are usually pretty destructive.
Be a nicer pregnant woman than you were last time. Not only will you provide a better example for your kids, but your husband and family will be able to enjoy the nine-month ride a little more, too.
Sincerely,
Your Currently Not Pregnant (Clear Minded and Polite) Self