Recently it came to my attention that I had made a faux pas in one of the posts that I had written. I had used the word “naturally” when describing a mother giving birth to a baby. I should have used the word “biological” or “biologically”. I regret making this error since I am one to be very conscious about the words I select when referring to adoption, the adoption process, and my son. I made changes to the article so I would not offend anyone and use the proper terminology.
But I thought it brought up a very a good topic to write about, which is the necessity to use Positive Adoptive Language. In the book “Keys to Parenting an Adopted Child”, Kathy Lancaster states “Positive Adoption Language, or PAL, is non-judgmental adoption terminology that emphasizes the positive aspects of adoption as a method of family building and stresses the importance of understanding and sensitivity.”
Further it has been expressed in other articles that by using Positive Adoption Language it conveys that adoption is just as important a way to build a family as giving birth to a child. It should never be considered a secondary method.
As an adoptive parent I do think that it is important to use this language. I believe it’s also my responsibility to educate people outside the adoption community to use this language as well. But I’m also very aware that some people get very offended when they hear another person use language that is not appropriate when referring to adoption. I tend to believe that most people are not trying to be mean or rude but just don’t know the proper language to use. After all I didn’t know all the correct words when I first started the adoption process and only learned from listening to others and then reading books about adoption. My family also has made mistakes when talking about adoption and I politely corrected them.
As an adoption advocate as well as an adoptive mother I will continue to make a concerted and conscious effort to use the proper language when discussing and writing about adoption. But I will also be tolerant of those who are willing to learn and accept this terminology but at times make a mistake when speaking of adoption. After all no matter how we build our families we are all fallible human beings first.