Privacy is a big deal with adolescents. As a matter of fact, I think that for parents, negotiating around privacy issues can be a make or break situation that sets the stage for the adolescent years overall. I know this might seem like I am being overly melodramatic, but I really do think that when it comes to privacy and boundaries, how parents handle this with a teenager can have a big impact. While I do not think there is one way to go about this business of parenting (as I have stated before), I think as parents we need to keep an eye on the big picture as we start to enter the adolescent years.
I have learned about teens and privacy through trial and error and evolution on my own part. How we approach privacy with our teens is really an opportunity to establish, build or destroy trust for years to come. Again, I know that sounds melodramatic, but I believe it is true. We teach our children about trust and boundaries not just by what we expect of them, but by how we treat them as well. Our kids need space, stuff and “personal issues” that are private—untouched and not invaded by mom or dad. While we are worrying about them doing something “inappropriate” we may be acting in an inappropriate way by digging into their stuff.
I know this can feel strange for parents of the newly adolescent—after all, our children are technically still children and isn’t it really our house and our stuff? By allowing our children a certain level of privacy and letting them set boundaries, however, we can help them learn how to establish healthy boundaries for the rest of their lives. Creating parameters around privacy can help guide you as a parent through the teen years. In part two of this series, I will share what I believe are some good areas to establish respectful privacy (and talk about how privacy needs to go both ways.)
See Also: Teens and Gaming: Is it Good for Them?
Why Does Your Teen Have a Messy Room?