If anxiety plays a starring role in your life, it’s time to recast. You deserve the starring role. Anxiety need be little more than a subplot. Make that a cameo. No, even that draws too much attention to it. Anxiety should be one of those characters like “woman on bus” or “man reading newspaper.” You’re aware it’s there, and it serves a purpose, but once the scene’s over, you never think about it again. Certainly, this is an ideal scenario; it’s much easier said than done letting anxious thoughts go for good. But try to remember, you call the shots. You are the writer, director and producer of your life!
There’s a whole chapter devoted to this approach in my book Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace. In it is a fun, therapeutic activity I invite you to try – writing a script for your life.
In writing this script of your life, here’s what you need to decide:
What sort of a character do you want to be?
How do you want to be perceived by the other “players” on stage? Do you want to be considered frantic, chaotic, anxious, irritable, easily frustrated, or short-tempered? Or do you want to be seen as measured, relaxed, friendly, easygoing, and happy? Setting up your character will determine how you act toward each thing that happens to you, so it’s important to consider who you want to be and act accordingly.
What do you anticipate will happen to you?
What are you expecting and how will you, as this character, react? Pay special attention to activities you have during the day that you currently consider negative. Maybe it’s driving to work and you hate the traffic, so it always makes you irritated and nervous. How could you act instead?
Can you determine beforehand that you’re going to put in a special CD or tune into an oldies station and attempt to sing the lyrics to as many songs as you can? Can you determine beforehand that you’re going to look for ways to be polite to other drivers and spread some positive actions on the road? Can you determine beforehand that you’re going to pay attention to the drivers in the other cars and acknowledge each one as a person just trying to get to work instead of as a potential problem trying to mess up your commute? What’s going to happen during the scenes in your day, and how are you going to act in each?
How do you anticipate other people acting toward you?
In any given day, you need to deal with yourself, with actions that happen, and with other people. These three make up the majority of our days. As you write your script, don’t neglect to consider this third aspect. What you think other people think about you determines how you interpret their actions.
If you think someone doesn’t like you, an abruptly ended conversation is because she’s mad at you instead of another incoming call. If you think someone is critical of your abilities, a positive comment about your work becomes a snide remark or a subtle jab. If you think someone is dismissive of you as a person, his failure to say hello is because he doesn’t think you’re worth acknowledging instead of because of his own stress and work level.
Just as you can assign yourself the role of villain or victim, you can do the same thing with other people. Try to avoid this and write a script that reflects reality and is not based on negative perception. As often as it’s possible to be positive, do so.
Is your play a single scene, a day, or a week?
The curtain rises and you introduce the main character – you. What are you like? What are your dominant characteristics? Now, given these characteristics, describe what is going to happen and how your character is going to react to each situation. As you move through the script, how are you going to relate to others? What can you say and do, within character, to intereact as positively as possible with those around you?
What is the message of the script?
What concepts, thoughts, and priorities are you trying to portray? Who do you want to be, and what do you want to emphasize?
Bottom line, it’s time to recast anxiety and set the stage for the kind of fun, enriching, peaceful scenes you want to see playing out in your daily life.