I would like to be married again. I don’t often say that because I don’t want people to look at me with that pitying look. No, I’m not miserable and lonely but I would like someone to share my life with, someone to hold my hand and talk about the day.
I’m sure I look at remarriage through rose colored glasses, the same way I looked at marriage once upon a time when I didn’t know how very wrong things could go.
Now that I’m older, I wonder what exactly it means to be married now. When you are young you have your whole life ahead of you. All of those firsts, you are going to share them with your future husband. You will both have careers, buy a car, a home, furniture and raise your babies.
What about when you’ve already done all of those things, what’s left to share with this new person in your life? I’ve always thought that one of the best parts of marriage, was growing together and making those memories. I remember giggling in bed with my ex husband the night before we were going to closing on our first home.
There will be no memories of waiting for our child to arrive and then watching that child grow and learn. There will not be a child that I will look at and see she has her Daddy’s ears or eats her pudding just like he does.
And what about my child? I am Hailey’s mother first and I’ve been a single mother for so long, pouring all of my love and energy into my child. Will someone else love her like I do when he didn’t get to watch her grow up? Will he love my grandchildren? Will my daughter always feel like where ever I am is home, even when that home is with someone else.
Will this second family be as strong and as enduring as first family’s are? And if it won’t be, then what’s the point? I will always be Hailey’s mom, how can I be sure she will be as important to someone else as she is to me?