Far too often when we talk about weddings and wedding planning, we concentrate on the bride and what she is going through. We talk about her wishes, her dreams and her plans. While a lot of grooms may espouse that whatever their bride wants is fine with them – remember, it’s HIS day too.
When my husband and I got married, I thought it would be great to have a Groom’s Cake. I just loved the idea of it. I even wanted to do one right out of Steel Magnolias and have an armadillo groom’s cake. I thought it would be funny and he’d really appreciate the joke – fortunately for both of us – it was mentioned long before the wedding and he expressed his distaste for the idea immediately and vehemently.
He didn’t mind the idea of the Groom’s Cake (though he thought it would be stupid to have two cakes when neither of us like cake anyway), but he absolutely and steadfastly did not want an armadillo groom’s cake. Now, while I thought it was a great idea – his utter distaste told me that it would make him unhappy to have me press the subject and remember, it was HIS day too – so I let it go and we were both happier as a result.
Grooms Have It Easy
Yes, we all know the routine. The groom’s hardest job in the wedding planning is popping the question and getting the ball rolling. He has to come up with a great way to propose whether it is spontaneous or a huge romantic gesture. As for the rest, most people think the biggest thing the groom has to do is show up on time and be sufficiently recovered from his Bachelor Party.
Truth be told, the groom’s traditional role is to handle all the legal matters with regard to the wedding. He was responsible for making sure the church or registrar was paid and that all the correct forms had been filed. Grooms were also expected to handle any negotiations needed to provide a home for the couple after the wedding – so whether he was building, borrowing or buying a home – that was the groom’s job.
Don’t Forget the Ring
Those are not his only responsibilities. The groom is required to purchase the wedding rings and once upon a time, the wedding bands were as private as the wedding dress. The band he purchased for his wife to be would not be seen until the moment he slipped it on her finger. In most modern marriages, however, the bride and groom go out together to purchase their rings so that they both get what they want.
Okay, so that’s it right, the legal papers, the ring, the payments, the house and the popping of the question? That’s all the groom has to do? Not quite. You’re forgetting one, rather huge, event that is a major component of the wedding and that was traditionally all in the groom’s purview.
That’s right, it was up to the groom to plan for, pay for and arrange for the secret honeymoon destination to whisk his bride away to. After all, they were getting away from everyone and everything to spend quality time together. The honeymoon was his way of truly sweeping the bride off her feet. Since the bride’s parents were typically responsible for the wedding fees, the groom was left with the funds to handle the rest.
So, while most modern weddings involve both bride and groom in planning most of these typically groom designated items – that doesn’t mean it isn’t still his day and now, more than ever, he needs to be involved in making it a day that both bride and groom can remember.
Oh, and remember my husband who didn’t want the groom’s cake? He was the one who really wanted to get married at Disney World with the Cinderella coach and the whole nine yards – the joke in our family is that our wedding day was definitely HIS day – still – I’m waiting for him to make good on the promise to let me have the wedding of my dreams — I want to go to Vegas and get married with Elvis presiding — too much maybe?