Following on from last week’s articles about resolving conflict in marriage, these are also good guidelines to follow.
Once you have sat down and talked thought the situation, move on. Practice forgetfulness. Every time negative thoughts come back to you, practice putting them away by thinking about good qualities of your spouse and re-enforcing the idea that the problems are over and you have a clean slate. Don’t keep harping back to what has already gone on before and keeping score of wrongs and hurts.
The ability to put aside hurts and get along with others is a sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. Broken relationships are a terrible witness to others. So if you want your children and the next generation to see what a good happy marriage looks like, you will have to show them a positive example of day to day love, forgiveness and co-operation.
In our marriage and families each of us needs to learn to be peacemakers. For most of us this doesn’t come naturally. We need to practice it and to learn how to handle conflict.
Being a peacemaker doesn’t mean giving in and letting people walk all over you. It does mean trying to find a workable solution to whatever the problem is and keeping a calm attitude while doing so, rather than resorting to anger, yelling and threats.
The way your children will learn to handle conflict will come about mostly by the pattern they see modeled in the home. Peacemaking does not mean avoiding conflict and running form the problems. It means facing up to them and dealing it them in a mature manner.
Admit your mistakes and your part in the conflict and attack the problem not the other person. Sarcasm, belittling your spouse, condemnation, and a condescending tone are all weapons guaranteed to inflame a situation. Choose instead to show respect and love for your spouse by a gentle tone. How we say something is as important as the words we say.
Related articles
Resolving Conflict in Marriage
Resolving Conflict in Marriage – Part 2
Agreeing on the Things that Matter