In 1991, a book was published that changed who I was and how I felt about being adopted. It gave me a hope and a longing that I hadn’t known prior to the text written between the covers of that book.
“The Other Mother”, by Carol Schaefer told the amazing story of a young 19 year old girl, in love and pregnant. Raised in a Catholic family, she was nothing but a disgrace to them. She was sent off to a convent home for girls in the same situation to await the birth of this very much wanted child. But that wasn’t an option for Carol. The nuns at the convent for unwed mothers promised Carol she would forget the whole experience and go on with her life.
She gave birth to a son in 1966, and spent the next 17 years of her life torn apart, and living in anguish, haunted by what happened to her at only 19 years old. She didn’t forget. She never forgot.
This book tells the story of her life before the pregnancy, life during the pregnancy and life after the pregnancy, and then when she finally decided to search for him. It was a poignant story that touched me and took me on Carol’s journey. I felt for her, I felt with her, and most of all I felt every ounce of pain she must have carried for all those years.
Many people involved in the triad, or standing just outside of it, don’t realize the personal anguish, the pain and the suffering that a birth mother goes through, surrendering her precious baby. A life she created within her. And was now forced to send away. This book tells that story, that real pain from the birth mother’s perspective. Carol lived this story and knew every ounce of that pain, and she chose to share it within the pages of this book.
In 1995, NBC announced the airing of a movie that would send the adoption world into an uproar. The Other Mother was turned into a TV Movie. I remember sitting at home anxiously waiting for the time to come. I had the VCR set and I was ready to go. I watched it from beginning to end during the entire airing and then watched it hundreds of time since then. It is now shown frequently on Lifetime TV. It quickly became one of the most popular movies to hit Lifetime, and is still a favorite, especially amongst those of us affected in some way by adoption.
The movie seemed to set the adoption community into somewhat of an emotional upset. Some were angry at the way that young mother’s were treated, some were sad and their eyes opened to how much pain a biological parent must face, and some were truly happy seeing the reunion come forth at the end. For me, it was amazing to see the story truly come to life before my eyes. Not only was I moved by the book, but the movie just took my breath away. I think I cried more during that movie than I ever had in any other movie. In fact, I closed my eyes often before I reunited with my biological mother, and wished that mine was just like Carol. That I was wanted, and missed, and thought of often.
Carol Schaefer has since written two additional books, “Mary Queen of Scots” and “The Ancient Tear” and has also written a stage play that was performed in New York titled “The Sacred Virgin.”
She has appeared on many national and local television shows, including Good Morning America, CNN, MSNBC and more. She continues to speak at conferences worldwide on adoption issues, actively sharing her story with anyone who will hear it.
I emailed Carol and requested an interview with her. I know she is extremely busy and I offered to conduct it via email to save her some extra time. But Carol wrote me back and wouldn’t have it any other way, than a phone interview. Well, I’m certainly not complaining. I’ve wanted to talk to this beautiful person since 1991 when I read the book, and now I am going to be interviewing her, and I can hear her voice and learn what it was like for her.
So, please, check back here in August for a full interview with Carol Schaefer. She is an incredible woman, one that everyone can learn from.