Last month I wrote a blog entitled “The Call for a Sibling” where I touched on how likely it was there would be additional children born to our sons’ birth mothers. I’m going to further elaborate here on the pain of saying “no”.
I wrote the following October 13, 2005 while I was awake in grief and in prayer:
Who’s Child Are You?
Who’s child are you
sent from above?
Many homes waiting
to offer you love.
Forming in chaos
I hear your soul cry,
“Pray for my life,
my mom’s getting high.”
Longing hearts waiting
to wipe away tears;
I just want to hold you,
will I worry for years?
Prayers for protection,
God’s love is true;
who is the family
He’s chosen for you?
Fear fills my mind
while hope fills my heart.
I so want to know you
whether you’re mine or you aren’t.
Who’s child are you,
I’ll ask this again,
’til the moment my Lord
puts His peace within.
Part of me wanted to take in this baby so much. I knew our family wasn’t finished recovering from the last adoption. My poem shares the pain of feeling helpless, not able to protect my son’s developing brother and fear we’d never know him. God has been gracious. It looks like the adoptive mother and father of some of my son’s birth siblings may be adopting this baby who is currently in foster care.
Setting You Free
Little one
I long for you
but have to set you free.
I wish there was
another way
but I think it’s meant to be.
To hold you near
and dry your tears
is what I’d like to do.
But I think that God
has a family
waiting just for you.
My heart just aches
and my mind wonders
of all that can not be.
I hope one day
you’ll understand
and thank God
for your family.
Will my children understand?
Can my heart take the pain?
Will I ever have some rest?
How do I say no?
How do I move on?
How do I know what’s best?
Lord, help. Be with me
day by day
help me know it’s right.
Take this child’s hand
and walk with them.
Be the guiding light…
I wrote this poem shortly after the first one. Once I was able to let this little one go emotionally, it was easier to let my other son’s birth brother go. When a friend of mine talked about having to say no to accept her children’s birth sibling, she described her pain like having to leave her baby at the hospital. I didn’t want to have to live with that pain, or face my children when they asked me why we couldn’t keep their brothers with them. Since these poems, we’ve been informed that yet another baby is due early this next year. I’m pretty sure there will be more opportunities in the future to say yes, should it be God’s will for our family.
I think each family has to think about their own. We had to look at our childrens’ current needs. Bringing a baby into our home could be detrimental to our kids’ development since so much time was being focused on their special needs. Likely this baby was going to have special needs as well. I think our kids will understand the reasons for our decision. We know there are lots of homes waiting for these little ones. We’re just so glad at the hope that he’ll get to grow up with his birth siblings.
Poems were originally published on www.HappyMomAnna.com and are permitted property of MJ (Melissa J).
Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog