Once you have decided to adopt, the decisions just keep on coming. One big decision that adoptive parents need to make is the race of their child. It is my hope that this article will give you the tools you need to begin thinking about adopting a child of a different race.
Here are some things you should consider:
How do you feel about the race you are considering?
Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have embraced some stereotypes. We may think that we are neutral, but still some of these will linger. An excellent exercise is to sit down with a notepad and brainstorm the first things that come to your mind when you think of a particular race or ethnicity. You may be surprised to find that you have taken on some of the stereotypes that exist in our society. Also, don’t be immune to positive stereotypes. The idea that “All Asians are good at music” is positive, but it is not true. It is not fair to put anyone in a box, even if it seems like a nice box.
Take some time to think about the list that you have come up with. Are you able to put those stereotypes aside and allow your child to be who they are, instead of what you think they might be?
Can you handle being a conspicuous family?
As you discover what you really think about a particular race, stop and think about how that will affect your life as that child’s parent. You and your children will not blend in, but instead will stand out. Adoptive families tend to become “colorblind” and often begin to forget that they don’t look like each other. However, the people you meet at the store, at the library, etc, will not be so likely to overlook it. For some people, the added interest that comes from strangers about their family does not bother them. For others, it is really important not to stand out. If you don’t want to stand out, then you may need to rethink transracial adoption.
Are you willing to help your child connect with their culture?
Whatever race your child is, it is important to help them connect with their culture. You have the responsibility to teach them about holidays, traditions and other important things. It is also important that you develop friendships with other families and adults who are of the same race as your child. This is vital for the development of your child’s self esteem.
After considering these and many other questions, a lot of families decide that transracial adoption is an option for them. For others, they decide that they are not comfortable adopting a child of a different race. Hopefully, this article gives you a few things to think about and will help you as you begin the journey towards the child who is meant for you and your family.