When your child was born did you ever imagine you would be a single parent? In a country with a divorce rate like ours it almost seems silly that we didn’t plan for this possibility. We plan for everything else, even who would take care of our children in the event of our death but not how we would take care of them if our marriage fell apart.
It seems like the opposite of wishful thinking to plan for being a single parent, no one wants to think that their marriage won’t make it. All of us at one time, even if it was just on our wedding day, thought this was forever. Planning for divorce seems like giving up.
I was luckier than most women when I got divorced. I had worked my whole marriage and had a job that allowed me to support my daughter. Some women aren’t so lucky. After being a stay at home mom without an income for years they suddenly find themselves having to be the sole support of their families. The whole dynamic changes, they have to learn new multi tasking skills and put their children in daycare for the first time.
How could you possibly plan for a divorce though? I know I thought there would never be a time when my ex husband wouldn’t be there for Hailey. Divorce changes people, makes them a little more selfish, a little less available.
After a divorce it’s hard to get along with this person you were married to for so long. The simplest decisions become a power struggle and no one wins. Even if you had talked about the possibility of divorce most likely when it happened things wouldn’t work out the way you planned.
I know in my case my ex husband was unwilling to do anything to help Hailey and I, he saw this as an opportunity to let me fail so I would come home. He must have forgotten how determined I can be.
We made it, are still making it, but I can’t help but wish I had planned a little better.