What’s fear got to do with it, you may be asking, but let us be honest here, dating as a single parent can be a complicated and confusing thing (task, endeavor, or adventure?) We want to get it right, but we only have a limited amount of time and energy. We want to learn from past mistakes and we would really like to avoid making the same ones, but we might be trying so hard to avoid pain that we don’t even want to get back in the pool. We tell ourselves that we are just being reasonable and practical—but is that really the truth? Or are we fearful of flubbing up or getting hurt all over again?
I don’t want you to think that I am pointing fingers here, because as all of you know, I am right here with you in the life and trials of a single parent! While I have written in the past about some of my dating ambivalence and I will stand behind any single parent who says she is being picky, careful, or practical—I also think we can sometimes let our fear hold us back.
Self-awareness can seem like a luxury. Doesn’t it sometimes just seem easier and saner to play it safe? The truth is that it IS sometimes easier and saner to play it safe, but that does not necessarily mean that is the best thing for us. There is going to be a certain amount of risk and chance in dating or embarking on possible new relationships. Telling ourselves that we are going to be practical and wait until everything is perfect may be our way of keeping ourselves from moving forward. It may be denial of our fear that we are calling “practicality.”
I am not advocating jumping into the dating scene with total abandon, but I am suggesting that we need to take a good look at what might be holding us back on the shoreline—is it really a desire to be practical or are we letting fear dictate when and whether we give it one more try?
Also: Dating–Now or Later?
It is Okay to Introduce New People Slowly