It is glad to see Heather back writing in Marriage!
In one of her articles about marriage breakers, Heather made a statement that I felt I needed to comment on. She referred back to a previous article that she had written and about a heated discussion she and her husband had about expectations and chores.
Many times women, as new wives, can get themselves into more trouble in the beginning than they realize. When you first get married it can be exciting and feel a lot like you are “playing house”. You cannot wait to decorate and clean and cook supper.
You may even enjoy catering to your husband’s needs.
These things can be wonderful for a while. However, soon you will find that you can’t keep up doing it all alone forever. Things can really get complicated after children are born.
The bad part is that it can be hard to reverse what you started. You husband is used to you doing all of the household chores and catering to his needs. When these things stop, he can go into quiet a shock.
He may feel resentment. He may be reluctant to pick up his share of the job.
The problem is that when new wives first begin all of these things they have trouble seeing into the future. It is especially hard on young ladies who have never lived out on their own before marriage. They do not yet have a good grasp of how hard keeping everything together can be.
I think that the key is to never go into a marriage with defined (even though maybe unspoken) his and her jobs. If your marriage with the perspective that everything is “our” responsibility then a partnership will be created from the beginning. Trade out on household chores, bill paying, and grocery shopping.