My husband and I grew up in two very different families. Discipline was also approached very differently. As a result we have had to figure out a way that works for both of us. But one thing that we agree on is sticking to the discipline method that we have decided on.
My husband’s family was very loud and physical. The children were yelled out and often spanked with a belt. When other discipline methods like grounding or taking away of privileges was used it was seldom enforced. My husband remembers being grounded for a week and then within two days out playing with his friends. As a result he would risk getting grounded knowing that even if he was caught and grounded it would only last for a few days.
In my family there was little yelling. When we were spanked it was warranted. My dad would explain the reason why were being spanked, give the spanking, then give us a hug afterwards. When we got older we would be grounded or have to wash the dishes for a week. We knew that if we broke the rules that there would be a consequence and the punishment would be strictly enforced. As a result fewer rules were broken and the need for discipline was diminished.
Learning from our pasts my husband and I have made it a rule to follow through with our disciplining. Recently my son was grounded for a week because he snuck out of the house after I had said he couldn’t play and went to a friend’s house. After three days my son tried to convince me that it had been long enough. We looked on the calendar and I showed him that he still had four more days to go. Often having your child grounded is harder on you as a parent than it is on the child. Which is why my husband’s parents would let him go play after just a few days. They were tired of hearing him complain. But if you want your child to learn to not repeat the behavior he is being punished for you have to stick to it.
Another important thing to remember is to not make idle threats. It is easy in the heat of the moment to say things like “You’re grounded for a month!” or “If you do that again you’re going to your room for the rest of the night!” Statements like these are not realistic, unless your child has done something really bad. Before you make a rash statement think about whether or not the behavior justifies such discipline and if you will be willing to enforce it. I try and count to 10 before I react. If you do make such a statement and then when you have cooled down realize how ridiculous it is go and talk to your child. Explain that the discipline was given while you were angry. Now that you have had time to think about it you have realized that a different punishment would better fit the offense.
But whatever you do remember sticking to your discipline is the best way to teach your child to not repeat their bad behavior.
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