The word submissive gets a lot of bad publicity, especially when it comes to marital relationships. The term “submissive wife” makes feminists cringe and causes many other strong women to shudder. The truth is a strong woman can still be submissive, if that is her choice. Since “choice” seems to be the call of the feminist, she should respect the choices of other women, even when they don’t agree with her own.
Becoming submissive to one’s husband is all about choice. It is a commitment to lift up your husband, encourage him, and be his helpmate through life. It is not at all the same thing as being subservient, although the words are often used interchangeably. It does not mean being weak, helpless, or inferior, but quite the opposite. It means using your unique gifts, talents, and strengths to help your husband be the best man he can be.
In the Biblical sense, the term submissive does not mean bowing and scraping to your husband, or allowing him to use you at his whim. In fact, men are directed to esteem their wives and love them as much as they love their own lives. The idea that the choice to be submissive means women can be mistreated is just plain wrong. Women were never intended to be doormats, and those that choose to develop a submissive spirit toward a loving husband don’t feel used at all.
In Clarifying Our Roles, Richard Strauss describes his wife Mary, who has chosen to live in the spirit of submissiveness as, “…the most important person in my life, a precious and valuable treasure given to me by God.” Doormat indeed! How many wives would give anything if their husbands felt that way about them?
Of course, a man can abuse this privilege, but he is accountable for his actions. The Bible instructs men to be leaders of the household, but over and over, leadership roles are described as serving those whom one leads. A scripture reference that elaborates this point is Ephesians 5:25. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” That doesn’t sound like a license to use one’s wife or treat her as inferior.