The Huffington Post published an article interviewing a lawyer who says that it’s possible to sue your husband’s mistress. The charge is alienation of affection and the punishment can be a hefty sum of money.
Focus on Who Hurt You
This brings me to think about whether this should be in place. I can see why a scorned wife wants to sue the mistress. Many mistresses are conniving and will do whatever it takes to get the man they want. Sometimes, it’s easier to blame someone else for your husband’s affair than him especially when trying to find out why it happened and not believing your husband would ever do something so cruel.
The problem with suing your husband’s mistress is that it’s not really her fault that your husband strayed. While she may have led him astray, he was the one who made the final decision to start a relationship with her. Unless she drugged him with a substance rather than with lust, he is the one who committed adultery.
Many people have a difficult time focusing on the issue at hand for the affair. This unfaithfulness is between a husband and a wife…not a wife and mistress. The emotions resulting from your husband cheating should remain with your husband and only your husband.
What Lead to the Affair
The truth of the matter is that if your husband was not able to resist the temptation of his mistress, it wouldn’t have been too long before someone else would have tempted him and he would have had someone else. It’s not the person but the temptation that was the cause for the affair.
This is the same case for some women who approach the mistress after discovering their husband’s affair. It’s not about her; it’s about what your husband has chosen to do with that person. The mistress didn’t cheat on you…your husband cheated on you.
When Your Friend Is the Mistress
What if your friend is the one who slept with your husband? Well, in this case, you do have an issue to address with the mistress. It’s the violation of the trust you had for your friend. With this, she did hurt you but not in the way you might focus on. It’s not about blaming her for the affair, it’s about her not being a good friend by making the decision to do something that would end up hurting you so deeply.
As a friend, she owes it to you to protect you from being hurt. With a mistress you don’t know, she doesn’t owe you anything. There’s no relationship between you and a stranger to consider and defend, but there is between you and a friend.
So before you claim war against your husband’s mistress, consider why you are doing it. Think about the relationship you have with that person and if that person didn’t have the responsibility to keep you from feeling pain, then it’s not about her.
Want to save your marriage after an affair? It’s more possible than you think.
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